trujoy

Amidst the turmoil and stress of being a postgrad, it wouldn’t be my life if I didn’t have a few extra side salads of stress to complicate/make the journey more interesting. As Kathleen is so fond of saying, “We can voyeuristically experience life through you, Crystal”. Well, this is true hon. So watch, learn and be entertained as my life once again takes on the resemblence of a bad “Passions” plot or worse, an episode of the OC AFTER it got bad (and no, OC critics, it wasn’t always bad. Furthermore, I found it actually realistic since I could relate to so many of the plots. Except the lesbian affair thing, I don’t know where that one came from).

So, the side salads of stress I was mentioning. First and foremost, whether its due to an influx of testosterone over footy season or I’ve started giving off a new kind of pheremone, I seem to have a few people interested in me. Nice people. Including the guy I went on a date with a while back, who I think I may have been a bit hasty in writing off since I’ve talked with him since, and I think he’s quite interesting. And not all that normal, which is a plus for him in the Crystal camp.

But I spent Sunday night having dinner with the two people in life who should never be in the same ROOM together, let alone the same occassion….my potential and my ex. To say it was a disaster is not an exaggeration. Sticking bamboo shoots up your fingernails would be more fun. When they weren’t puffing out their chests at one another and bickering (G started it…he was being so rude, but I don’t think he was trying to be, I think that’s just his personality and I never saw it before cos I was wearing the typified “rose coloured glasses”). Well, the glasses are off and I found myself wondering if I could possibly use his personality to scour stains off my saucepans, that’s how abrasive he was. And he’s such a control freak, to the point where he was actually telling my potential how to eat his food!!!! I think the highlight was when he invited me to a Missy Higgins concert IN FRONT OF the potential. By the end of that evening, the testosterone had permeated the atmosphere to such an extent that even I considered participating in the p**sing match. So, I made shots at G, and he made shots at me, and my potential sat there looking non-plussed, but pleasant.

My health sucks, my thesis is due in a month, my postgrade network group needs another meeting, I have over 40 papers to mark, I have a new job working as an escort (no, Aimee, not one of those) and I have had schnupps again. A big load of schnupps. I’m tired, and dispirited and I feel like joining the “Male Anonymous” group. “Hi, my name’s Crystal, and it’s been 3 weeks since I flirted, talked or otherwise engaged with a male. It’s going pretty well, although my work colleagues think I’ve become a die-hard feminist and have started calling me “the freaky man-hater who does shave under her arms”.

 So, the lesson my friends: “Men are trouble”. Even when they’re trying not to be. Even when they’re nice. And sticking pins in a voodoo doll replica of your ex is justifiable, as long as he is continuing to be a jackass. And never go out with your ex and your potential, although to give me credit, I thought Kathleen was coming as a buffer.  

There’s a song by Keane that I love called “Somewhere only we know”. You can listen to it on Youtube, but I’ve included the lyrics below for you to follow along with. You have to listen to the song at the same time, but.  I find it fits my life really well at the moment. I’ve been having all these dreams and flashbacks to the good times with my ex, and then I see him in person and its like someone’s ripped all those memories into pieces. I actually feel violated. I keep hoping that he’s changed and that he wasn’t always like this. But he always was, wasn’t he K, and I was kidding myself.

“Somewhere only we know” by Keane

I walked across

the emptiness.

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand.

I felt the earth

beneath my feet

sat by the river and I felt complete.

A simple thing.

Where have you gone?

I’m getting older and I need someone to rely on.

So tell me when

you’re going to let me in.

I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin.

I came across

A fallen tree

I felt the butchers, they were looking at me.

Is this the place I used to love?

Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?

A simple thing.

Where have you gone?

I’m getting older and I need something to rely on.

So tell me when

you’re going to let me in.

I’m getting tired and I need somwhere to begin.

And if you have a minute.

Why don’t we go?

Talking about it

Somewhere only we know.

This could be the end of everything.

So, why don’t we go to somwhere only we know.

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