trujoy

Yup, I’m breaking the academic cone of silence and making an announcement: I’m stressed. And not just stressed in the sense of motivated, we’re talking stressed in the sense of “throw your computer out the window and attack people with a pickaxe” (like that Economics lecturer at my old alma mater, poor old thing). In our profession, it’s still frowned upon to admit that. At least officially. You can smile and joke and say “Yeah, I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown”, just as long as you don’t actually mean it. And I think it’s like that for most professions. There is a shame attached with admitting that you’re finding it difficult to cope - it’s like admitting a weakness in character, or something.

 But I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not a weakness in character. Anyone who knows me will say that I am not a weak person. And if I find it all a bit much when I’m in and out of hospital, trying to finish my thesis by June, mark papers and teach, handle a new job AND coordinate the Postgraduate Network Group for our campus whilst getting politically stabbed in the back by an old friend and mentor (who lost bitterly by the way, which just goes to show you, if you want to puff out your chest and go to war, make sure you’ve got back-up), then yeah, I don’t see the shame: I’M COMING OUT - I’M STRESSED!!!!!

And it’s not just me. An old friend recently admitted that she had to take time out from her thesis cos she had a nervous breakdown.

 I guess there are a couple of warning signs that start to crop up as the body’s way of letting you know that not only are you pushing the boundaries, but you’re hurtling down the stress freeway at 200km/hr and are about to get pulled over by the cops. Here are a couple of indications:

1) You find yourself talking to the voice that says “Going down” or “Going up” in the lift. You tell it how your day went. Talking to any inanimate object is not neccessarily crazy central, but excessive talking and waiting for a response actually is.

2) You blubber yourself silly cos your favourite cheesy soap got taken off the air, and your reason for living is gone. In my case, it was ‘Veronica Mars’. Don’t laugh, you’ve got shameful secrets too I’m sure.

3) You talk about taking valium to get you through the day (this was NOT me, I heard a woman on the street talking to her friend. However, I did consider asking her if she had any spare:)

4) You consider briefly streaking naked across the St Lucia oval. At night, and maybe not the WHOLE oval, but still…this is not a normal thought pattern. Especially if you start to prepare a defence for the cops in case you get caught, and especially if that defence involves the argument “I think that streaking is gender biased against females - there should be more females streaking”. This is also a sign that you’ve been in uni too long.

5) Your resonse to a stranger asking you how your day is? “It could be worse. I’m grateful”.

6) This goes out to the postgrad I had a brief conversation with in the lift. When I said to her that all I wanted was some sleep, she looked at me like I was insane and said darkly “Sleep is overrated”. I reckon she’s a hop and a skip away from the funny farm.

But the good news is that I’m feeling a lot better this week. Is it because I’m prepared for data collection on Saturday? Maybe. Is it because I’ve done a lot of work and I’m starting to see the fruits of my labour? Possibly. Is it because I saw my college buds over the weekend and unwound for a night? Most definetely.

See, the lesson in all of this is that you need to take time out sometimes. This may not neccessarily be with people (especially if you’re in the pick axe mood), but it can help. Hanging out with my friends on Saturday night reminded me that I have people who have faith in me, and believe I can do this, and regardless if I don’t, they like me and enjoy my company anyway. Laughter helps. Being silly helps.

So, this is a shout out to my buddies who helped me detangle my stress hair with some happy conditioner. You guys rock.

And as a side, spending the night in with a good book or Law and Order and a grilled cheese sandwich is also a good stress release:)

Remember guys, God is with us always. And it’s not worth it if people have to scrape you off a pavement afterwards:)

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